I'm going to be graduating in fourteen days.
Recently I've ben reflecting on my time at Bible college and all of the different things that I've learned. Because, let's face it, these past four years have been incredibly formational and have grown and changed me into the woman I am today.
I've laughed a lot, I've cried a lot, I've written so many papers, I've consumed insane amounts of coffee, I've considered dropping out of school at least twice per semester, but now here I am. We made it fam.
I'm ready to say goodbye and leave it all with a piece of paper in my hands in two weeks.
And when I say "I'm ready", I mean I'm absolutely not ready in the least. As in I've cried every single day in the month of April and I'm surprised that I still have tears left in my body. But I'm learning that emotions are okay. And it's okay that I'm not entirely happy and excited to graduate like people keep telling me I should be.
I could likely write a novel talking about all of the things that I've learned throughout the four years that I've been living on campus and working on completing my undergrad, and completing it well. But I thought the most concise thing to do would be to write a lil letter to my seventeen-year old self, the one who was packing up her stuff, preparing to move away from home and live away from her family for the first time ever. She never thought she'd be able to survive it, by the way. But here she is, writing to you now. God is good.
So, dear seventeen-year old me:
Here are four things I've learned throughout the four years of my Bachelor's degree.
1. Emotions are O K A Y.
Those who know me well know that I don't like to deal with my feelings. I'm an everything-is-fine-all-the-time typa girl. But let's get real. Everything is NOT always fine. And that's okay!!! I mean, I still don't like crying in front of people, but it happens sometimes. And I'm learning that it's actually easier to admit when I'm having a crummy day instead of putting on a smile with the rest of my makeup in the morning. Being real is gooooood.
But maybe not with everyone. It's not really encouraging if I tell everyone about my sucky day. But close friends should know, and if you spend time with them on the daily, they may figure it out on their own.
2. Getting out of your comfort zone is super important.
Struggling with social anxiety makes leaving my comfort zone a daunting task, however every time I've done something out of my comfort zone throughout my undergrad, I've always felt a sense of accomplishment.
In my public speaking class last semester, I actually wrote my final speech on the topic of how important it is to get out of your comfort zone, and I distinctly remember saying: "In your young adult years, one of the most formational things you can do is get out of your comfort zone and do things that you wouldn't normally think you could do." It's definitely scary, but it's always worth it.
3. Being a responsible adult is a necessity.
Getting eight hours of sleep. Saying "no" to hanging out with someone when you know you have an assignment due. Making sure you eat enough, drink enough water.
People like to tease me for going to sleep at 11:30 instead of staying up until 3:00. They make comments about me being "awake and responsible" in the mornings. But it's really been hitting me during my fourth year that eventually I can't use the excuse of "Oh I'm a college student" "I'm not a full-fledged adult, lol." So let's start acting like responsible adults now instead of putting it off until you've graduated and are actually a "full-fledged adult".
4. You don't know everything. (And you don't need to.)
One of my professors has this saying: "Once you realize that you don't know everything, you're ready to graduate."
Marks have always been important to me, ever since I was in elementary school. I remember getting my first D in grade five, and coming home, handing my test to my mom really quickly and then going to my room and sobbing because I thought I'd be in so much trouble! I didn't realize at age ten that my parents' love for me wasn't conditional based upon my grades.
I didn't come to fully understand my professor's saying until I was sitting in his office a month ago. I made a comment to him about wishing that I was doing better in one of his classes, and feeling like I should be doing better because I'm a fourth year student. But he just looked at me, gave me a knowing look, one that those who know him would recognize, and said, "It sounds like you're ready to graduate."
I don't know everything. And that's okay.
And here's a lil bonus lesson/reminder for y'all. Let's call it "a shout out to those who took five years to complete their four year degree". Which is totally cool, by the way! I got to spend an extra year with some of my friends that way.
5. God is always faithful.
This lesson was really made clear to me in a significant way this past week. In our final chapel of the school year (and the final chapel service of my undergrad!!!) the music team played the song "Never Once" by Matt Redman, and I'd never heard it before so I just stood there listening to it, and in a few moments I was crying. (Note to self: see lesson #1 - emotions are OKAY.)
The song begins with the words "Standing on this mountaintop, looking just how far we've come, knowing that for every step, You were with us." It's such a powerful song that talks about scars and struggles being a reality in life, but knowing that God is always faithful, and He'll never leave us to walk alone. And that is absolutely the story of my undergraduate experience, as well as the story of my life, really.
"And be sure of this: I am with you always, to the very end of the age." {Matthew 28:20}
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