New-ish Beginnings

On Monday I moved back to school for my fourth and final year of my Bachelor's degree.

ISN'T THAT CRAZY?! I try not to think too much about it because it overwhelms me to realize that I'm going to be walking across the stage in eight months, and in twelve months I won't be going back to school.

As much as this is my fourth time beginning a school year in Bible college, I feel newer this year - different. In a few different ways.

Source: Christian Joudrey - unsplash.com

This year I have to do an internship in order to graduate; I'm going to be preparing for my graduation recital that I have to do in the spring; I'm not on student leadership this year; I'm a lot closer to God this year than I've ever been in my time at Bible college - or in my entire life.

Although classes started yesterday, I don't have a class until Monday, but I've already been doing some tasks for my internship. That anxious feeling and thoughts of 'you're too inadequate and unqualified to do this' have already started plaguing my mind. This past summer, in preparation for my internship, I spent a lot of time in prayer, asking God to teach me how to be patient, kind, and gracious towards myself. The entire point of an internship is to learn! I'm not expected to be super adequate and qualified the first time I step into the office and have to call three different companies to order music. As my internship supervisor told me the other day "Interns are a lot of work, but eventually they're helpful." I lowkey wanted to be offended, but that man is wise, and he had a good point.

Having to prepare for my graduation recital is another thing that fills my soul with great anxiety. (I've talked about this in previous posts, but I totally used to talk about dropping out before my fourth year so I wouldn't have to do my recital [or internship].) But once again, I've been learning anew about the power of prayer and bringing God into every aspect of my life, asking Him to strengthen me for every task.

Being a lot closer to the Lord this year is something that has definitely felt like a new beginning. In conversations that I've been having on campus (and also at Starbucks), I've found myself talking a lot more about God and how I've seen Him working in my life, and strengthening my faith even in the face of trials, doubts, and confusion over the course of the past four months. I've been recognizing the truth and necessity of John 3:30, realizing my life is much more about Christ and His story for me, and less about how "adequate" and "qualified" I look to other people. (The verse says:)

"He must become greater, I must become less."

My personal theme for my fourth year is one of going out of my comfort zone and stretching myself beyond what I believe I'm capable of doing. My internship is a huge example of that in and of itself, and I'm sure I'll write many a blog post about it over the next eight months. Plus I'm also doing a course on public speaking this semester (as an elective, might I add), and y'all should know that that's something I'd never, ever make myself do. Except for now apparently, because I'm a whole new person amiright?

Since I walked through the doors of this school when I was seventeen years old, I've never felt that I'd be good enough to be an intern, lead musical worship, conduct a choir (and possibly an orchestra), and whatever else interns have to do. But what I've been learning over the summer leading up to my internship is that although I am inadequate, the Lord is capable of equipping me with strength, peace, and the ability to do whatever task He has laid out for me to do. All praise, honour, and glory goes to Him!