The Value of Life.

July 4th, 2015. Saturday. That day changed so much for me. Now, I'd like to start this story by saying that everything started out normally, but it didn't. It should have though. I should have woken up at 7:10 with my alarm, gotten ready for work, worked from 9:00-4:00, and then relaxed with my family in the evening.

Here's the truth.

I woke up around 7:00 to my family talking. I thought nothing of it; my family seems to have a hard time being quiet while I'm still trying to sleep. My brother and mom came to my bedroom door and I mumbled, "go away, I still have ten minutes to sleep." I heard my brother ask our mom, "should we tell her...?" Although I'd been half asleep ten seconds before, I sat bolt upright and said, "tell me." My brother proceeded to tell me that one of our lifelong friends, who was just twenty-three, died in a motorcyle accident the night before. My first reaction was that I was still asleep; he was so young, there's no possible way he could be gone. This can't be happening. I must be asleep still!

I knew I'd still have to work that day so I got ready, all the while complaining to my mom that I wished I didn't have to work. I soon learned the meaning of "be careful what you wish for".

As my mom was driving me to work, we were talking about how shocking & devastating it was that my friend was gone. We were winding up our conversation and we were just one block away from my work when my mom said, "what is that guy doing?!" I looked up to see that a car was pulling out of a parking lot and cutting across our lane (he was turning left). He was going WAY too fast for a parking lot, we had the right of way, and we had NO time to slow down. My mom didn't want to t-bone him & risk killing that driver, so she swerved to the left, which sent us clunking over a curb, swiping a hydro pole (thank God it was wood and not concrete), and ending up in some random people's front yard, just a meter away from being in their living room.
Granted, I don't remember all of that happening. All I remember is clunking over the curb, thinking 'Luke died & now I'm going to die too", and suddenly the car was stopped and I was screaming & hyperventilating.

There were a bunch of witnesses, total strangers who were wonderful help to us that day. The guy who caused all of this to happen drove off (how splendid), but anyway. All of the damage was on my side of the car, and it looked like this:

The mildly entertaining thing was that I didn't even realize that it was my window that was shattered all over me; my first thought was 'ah, my window's open..' 

My mind was set on the fact that I was supposed to be working so when witnesses got me out of the car, I was all, "I need to call work..." (look at my priorities #goals). The witnesses all wanted me to just stay sitting on the ground but I wanted to see my side of the car (I had gotten out on the driver's side because my door wouldn't open). They let me get up and walk around, and when I saw the damage, that's when it hit me. I freaked out to a random guy who was there; I kind of started crying and was like "woah, that's crazy. That could have been me."

SO many people have been telling my mom and me that, "things could have been so much worse", "if that hydro pole was concrete, this would be so different", "you're so lucky!", "if you'd hit that pole any more straight on, your car could have split in half!", blah, blah, blah. It was all God. "Lucky" isn't the right word for it. I'm in absolute awe of His omnipotence; the Creator of the universe spared my life.

What I've been learning over the past month and a half is that life is crazy. Life is valuable. Life is short.

"The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and it's place remembers it no more." {Psalm 103:15-16}

It's taking me forever to grasp how God took a wonderful man from this world, and a few hours later spared my mom and me from the face of death. WHY would God allow these two accidents to have such very different endings??? I've also been told that I'll never understand it, sooo I shouldn't really be asking why. 

This summer has totally been less than ideal, but really, since when do things EVER work out how we want them to!? The earthly side of me is like, 'summer 2015 has SUCKED. Let's go back to when life was good, and everyone was happy, and we weren't missing our incredible friend.'

But in some aspects I feel like this summer has been a wonderful one of growth in my relationship with God. I've never had that genuine longing for my heavenly Home before this summer. God's sovereignty and power have become SO evident to me over these past four months of being home. I'm so broken; I have no strength left for anything and yet He carries me through every day. I'm supposed to move back to school in thirteen days, but I really do NOT want to. So much has changed since I left; I'm not the same girl who graduated on May 2nd. But, I also don't want to be at home anymore. I have no clue what it is that I want. I'm taking life a day at a time, appreciating the people that I have, and trusting that God knows what He's doing because I sure as heck have no idea what's going on.

All the while, my wavering voice is trying to keep singing, "Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say, 'it is well, it is well with my soul".