It's Important To Be A Mess.

I've been feeling pretty mess-like recently, so I thought that that would make writing this post a simple feat. However, I've been working on writing this for at least two weeks and have made so many changes and edits.

And tbh, I think that's because oftentimes humans make other humans believe that being a mess isn't acceptable. Or maybe I just make myself feel that way...? But I can't be the only one, can I?

That's why this post is a thing.

If you're reading this and you've been feeling like a mental mess, emotional mess, physical mess, fill-in-the-blank mess, you're not alone.

I'm there too. And I know I'm not alone either because three of my friends - at least - have been feeling the same way recently. Which was all the more reason for me to write this.

I came across a tweet a few weeks ago that simply said what the title of this post is

It's important to be a mess."

I think I agree with that, and I think we push messiness under the rug as much as we possibly can. At least I know that that's what I do. But oftentimes we miss the point...

We don't realize how important it is to be messy. 

'You're crazy.' You might be thinking.

'How can it possibly be "important" to be a mess?'

'Being messy is no fun.'

Yup, I'm still there with ya. Being a mess can feel so exhausting. However...

A lot can be learned in the mess. In the hard stuff. The times wherein you cry more times than you can count in a day. The times when you can't sleep at night. The times when you have to overcompensate for your usually bubbly personality when you're with friends just so that no one will ask you "what's wrong?".

I've done a lot of that lately. And I'm pretty tired of it. And I'm frustrated with myself for it too.

Because I too have been missing the point.

'So what's the point of all this pain and mess, exactly???'

Let me say, first of all, that it may be different for some people.

I've realized, though, that the point of the pain and mess for me in this specific instance was that I lost sight of my focus. I wanted immediate relief from the constant darkness, sadness, anger, and confusion that I was feeling. I sought comfort from friends, I avoided everything by sleeping, by neglecting my homework and responsibilities. I didn't pray or read my Bible because I was too tired and "didn't really know" what to say to God or what to read.

But then, four days ago, I finally felt the sun hit my face after three weeks of relentless cloud cover. I had a conversation with a friend and was completely honest, telling him just how low I was really feeling. Instead of asking me how he could help, he did the best thing that anyone could do.

He pointed me to Christ. He told me to journal about how I was feeling, why I was feeling that way, and also journal a prayer after that. And then he held me accountable by saying that he'd check in with me later that day to make sure that I'd actually spent some quality time seeking God, instead of continuing to avoid Him. (I thank God from the bottom of my heart for friends like that one. Juuust FYI.)

But for real, I've been feeling so much better over these last four days because I've finally been able to recognize and appreciate the importance of being a mess, and was reminded to set my focus on the Lord. Being a human, I'll obviously fail at this at least three more times in my life (lol, at least three). But this time has been valuable - although I didn't think so initially - and has taught me a lot about letting God meet me in the mess instead of pushing Him away or ignoring Him. I've also learned about letting friends see me in my struggle, being honest and vulnerable with them, and then allowing them to encourage and support me.

Jesus replied, "you do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." (John 13:7)