Music Playlists + Final Thoughts.

Back in April when I was preparing to graduate, I made a Spotify playlist of mostly sappy, sentimental songs about endings. Some were worship songs that had meant a lot to me throughout my fourth year like, Never Once by Matt Redman and My Story by Big Daddy Weave. Some are just cheesy like I'll Always Remember You by Hannah Montana, Don't You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds, Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift, and You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home by Hannah Montana.

The first time Never Once was played in chapel at Bible college - conveniently it was the last Tuesday chapel in my fourth year - I sobbed bc endings, and also because it's such a powerful song about how God never leaves us. 

The music video for My Story was played at the graduation banquet and guess what? I sobbed again. All of us grads were standing around the perimeter of the room and here I was ugly crying in front of them, my professors, people's families, et al. One of my friends even left his spot against the wall to get a napkin from a table for me because of how much I was sobbing. It was rough. My Story talks about how Jesus is a crucial part of my/one's life's story, and that if I were to share my story, it would be more about God's grace and justice and mercy and kindness and love than it is anything about me.

all packed up.

The first song that I'd ever added to this playlist eight months ago (which I titled "post grad pre mtl", by the way), was Seasons Change by United Pursuit because one of my friends told me that it had been a helpful song for him when he'd gone through some crazy life changes. It reminds us that while seasons change, God's love remains constant.

Last night I was walking home from a Christmas party with my City Group (or those of us who were still in the city by this point), and listening to this playlist. Considering part of its title is "pre mtl", it makes sense that I haven't actually listened to it since arriving in Montréal.

But tomorrow I leave. I'm going to wake up at 6am for the last time, catch the bus at 7:17, stop at Starbucks since I'll be early (as always on Sundays), set up and soundcheck for the last time in the theatre, experience my last Église 21 rassemblement de dimanche, go down to the food court and eat with people, say my goodbyes, and that'll be it.

I remember arriving here on September 9th... or September 10th really, since it was after midnight. And once I'd moved all my stuff in to this apartment later on that day, I was unpacking and wondering what in the world I was doing in Montréal.

But now it's 104 days later and I've been listening to this playlist, my heart feeling torn in different directions. Part of me is jamming to You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home and another part of me is screaming More Time by NEEDTOBREATHE. Another part still is singing I'll Be Home For Christmas and feeling happier than ever. 🎄

When listening to You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban, I was struck by the line, "You raise me up to more than I can be." I feel that. Without the grace and constant presence of God, I'd never have made it through the past 104 days.

And when I hear the words "And no matter where we go, we always find our way back home" from Andy Grammer's song Back Home, I'm no longer sure what the meaning of it is.

No matter where we go (Montréal), we always find our way back home (Ontario).

Or is it, no matter where we go (Ontario), we always find out way back home (Montréal)?

I guess we'll just have to see.

Until next time, Montréal. Tu as un morceau de mon coeur.