Sometimes it feels like I've been here for two weeks.
Other times it feels like I've been here for two years.
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This post is about me. God has been changing me and challenging me. And while I've been realizing that, reflecting on it, and am excited about it, it's a whole different story to think about sharing that online... Even though I share a ton of other stuff all the time. 🤦🏼♀️
For some reason this seems harder. More real. More personal. More vulnerable.
But I'm here. I've made it to the point of 'this is what I'm going to share.'
1. I've grown in my independence.
This is something that I already knew was going to happen before I came to Montréal. I partially knew because people told me before I came, and also because I knew I'd be doing everything myself here - buying my groceries, doing my laundry, paying for my monthly metro pass, cooking my own meals, etc. So naturally I'd have no choice but to up my independence level.
But this was the first change in my life that became evident to me, and it didn't even become evident in Montréal; I noticed it first when I was in New York City. Some people from our group were wandering around the City, and others were at a restaurant that I wanted to go to. I was walking with the group, when I suddenly decided I was going to go to that restaurant. I told them I was going to leave, and one of my friends was really concerned about me walking there by myself. I assured her that it was only two blocks away and I'd be fine.
It hit me in that moment that normally I'd be the one in the position that my friend was in, and it wouldn't even cross my mind to leave the group of people that I was with to wander somewhere by myself. But I've become more independent in Montréal and comfortable getting where I need to go - on my own. I've also now become better at gauging when I need to be a leader - instead of simply being a follower all the time.
2. I have a better sense of who I am.
I'm starting to pay attention to different aspects of who I am. I've begun recognizing what makes me happy, sad, angry, etc.; determining how I respond in a variety of situations; identifying what I'm bad at or needs to be improved upon (this is a good one!!); what I need in a certain scenario - words of encouragement, a hug, a listening ear. I've been finding all of this to be so helpful. And not only for me, but also for those around me.
I'm able to help them care for me and advise me in the best way. If I know that I'm going to have a hard time with something or with a certain day, I'm able to give a heads up so they know I might not be myself. Knowing myself better is also cool because it gives me a better sense of what's normal for me, and what's something I should actually be concerned about because it's out of character for me.
3. My relationship with God is stronger than ever.
I feel like I've said this in blog posts before, but that's okay. It's probably a good thing actually, because it means that my relationship with God is constantly growing and deepening.
And it's funny, because I'd always thought that my relationship would be at its deepest during the four years that I was in Bible college, but I'm glad that I'm still growing closer to God and learning more about Him. I'm learning more and more about how important it is to keep Him at the centre of everything, trusting Him, seeking his guidance and wisdom for different decisions in my life.
Before starting this post, I totally thought that I'd have more than three points to go off of, but I feel like three is a good number. I also feel like maybe it seems like more than three points in my mind because learning more about who I am has many different parts, details, and intricacies wound up within it. So much so, that I could likely have written a whole post just on who I am, if I wanted to. But that'd be far too much vulnerability for my lil self to be comfortable with just now. Maybe one day.
Maybe.
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