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Linen Pants + Growing.
Saturday, June 1, 2019
2019 has been good for me so far.
And I don't mean "good for me" in the sense that everything has been hunky-dory and gone my way all the time.
"Good for me" in the sense of "I'm learning a lot of stuff and expanding my horizons and leaving my comfort zone and it's been good for me." That typa "good for me."
Ya feel???
I've been learning a lot about myself lately. Wellll, this technically didn't start in 2019; it started when I was in Montréal this past fall. While I was there, I found that the easiest way for me to process things was to journal about them. I also did that because I wanted to document (almost) every moment of my time in Montréal. But I was able to write out and read back how I was feeling about things, and through that, I've learned a lot about what I need, how I respond in different situations, and who I really am when I'm being the most honest and open and not worrying about people's thoughts or opinions on what I'm thinking or feeling or saying (aka writing). My journal is SECRET AND PRIVATE Y'ALL. 🚫
Man, I have a lot of thoughts and I feel like I know what I want to say in this post but I hardly know how to word it all... So bear with me as I ramble a bit and hopefully somehow make my way to the point.
To give some back story, I've spent a lot of my life worrying about what other people think of me. I still struggle with that. Moreso when it comes to what I say and how I'm perceived, less so in regards to how I look or what I wear. Which is what this post is about.
As a result of that - worrying abut what people think of me - back in high school/middle school, I ended up doing things in a certain way/wearing certain things that would make me seem "the same" as the people around me.
Like, I started wearing makeup at a certain age because all the girls around me were. I always wanted an Adidas jacket or a Bench jacket because "all the cool kids had them". I started wearing skinny jeans instead of bootcut jeans because everyone else started wearing skinny jeans. I wore my hair up ALL THE TIME for probably ten years because I thought people would make fun of my voluminous, frizzy curls. As it turns out, everyone loves them and I have been the only one who feels negatively towards my curls... And while I wore my hair up to hide it and tame it, I would wear bright colours because I still wanted to be seen and stand out - don't we all want that? To be seen?
Since really starting to learn about myself and who I am, I've been realizing in a practical way that what other people think of me doesn't matter that much. At all.
Living in Montréal was helpful in this way, not simply because of the journalling, but also because I spent a lot of time on the bus, on the metro, and walking through the streets of downtown. I saw so many types of people all day every day. People wearing what they wanted, having their hair done or dyed however they wanted. Everyone was just doing their own thang. I suddenly realized that I wanted to do that too... within reason, of course.
So I got back to Ontario and chopped my hair short enough that I can't wear it up all the time - I needed to force myself to embrace my crazy frizzy curls.
I stopped wearing bright colours and have been loving wearing more neutral, earthy-toned pieces - I prefer my brightness to come from my personality rather than my appearance. ✨ (not reallyyy, maybe that's cheesy, but also yeah... this is kinda true.)
I recently bought myself more loose-fitting linen pants to bring myself out of the "I only wear skinny jeans just like everyone else" place that I've been stuck in since high school. And I love them... A lot.
I've stopped wearing makeup every day because, as a YouTuber I enjoy watching said in a video, I'm learning what it means to "wear less makeup to feel more beautiful." Plus, it saves me a lot of time in my morning routine which is SO nice. 😴
Those are a few examples of small changes I've implemented in my life that have somehow made me feel more like myself. I'm finally learning that lesson that we've all heard since we were kids. Y'know, that one about it being what's on the inside that counts.
Honestly, I find that the linen pants have been the most impactful small change I've made. I had a pretty lengthy conversation with a couple friends last week about having wanted linen pants for quite a time but being too concerned about what other people will think when they see me wearing them because they're not what I normally wear. But I've decided that as long as I like them (which I do) and I feel comfortable in them (they are so SO very comfy 😌), then that's all that needs to matter! Hashtag, learning to develop my own style.
Everyone will always have opinions on everythinggg. So you kinda just have to ignore that. As much as you can. I'm still working on it... I still walk away from conversations with people who are just getting to know me and thinking 'did they get an accurate representation of who I am? should I have said x instead of y? should I not have said z at all? what did they think when I said q or when I laughed at that one comment they made? was that actually rude?'
But that's a whole other topic. And I'm aware of it. The first step is acceptance right? I'm not in denial that this is something I have to work on. And I am.
We makin progress. We're all growing here. 🌱
And I don't mean "good for me" in the sense that everything has been hunky-dory and gone my way all the time.
"Good for me" in the sense of "I'm learning a lot of stuff and expanding my horizons and leaving my comfort zone and it's been good for me." That typa "good for me."
Ya feel???
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| Source: N.; unsplash.com |
Man, I have a lot of thoughts and I feel like I know what I want to say in this post but I hardly know how to word it all... So bear with me as I ramble a bit and hopefully somehow make my way to the point.
To give some back story, I've spent a lot of my life worrying about what other people think of me. I still struggle with that. Moreso when it comes to what I say and how I'm perceived, less so in regards to how I look or what I wear. Which is what this post is about.
As a result of that - worrying abut what people think of me - back in high school/middle school, I ended up doing things in a certain way/wearing certain things that would make me seem "the same" as the people around me.
Like, I started wearing makeup at a certain age because all the girls around me were. I always wanted an Adidas jacket or a Bench jacket because "all the cool kids had them". I started wearing skinny jeans instead of bootcut jeans because everyone else started wearing skinny jeans. I wore my hair up ALL THE TIME for probably ten years because I thought people would make fun of my voluminous, frizzy curls. As it turns out, everyone loves them and I have been the only one who feels negatively towards my curls... And while I wore my hair up to hide it and tame it, I would wear bright colours because I still wanted to be seen and stand out - don't we all want that? To be seen?
Since really starting to learn about myself and who I am, I've been realizing in a practical way that what other people think of me doesn't matter that much. At all.
Living in Montréal was helpful in this way, not simply because of the journalling, but also because I spent a lot of time on the bus, on the metro, and walking through the streets of downtown. I saw so many types of people all day every day. People wearing what they wanted, having their hair done or dyed however they wanted. Everyone was just doing their own thang. I suddenly realized that I wanted to do that too... within reason, of course.
So I got back to Ontario and chopped my hair short enough that I can't wear it up all the time - I needed to force myself to embrace my crazy frizzy curls.
I stopped wearing bright colours and have been loving wearing more neutral, earthy-toned pieces - I prefer my brightness to come from my personality rather than my appearance. ✨ (not reallyyy, maybe that's cheesy, but also yeah... this is kinda true.)
I recently bought myself more loose-fitting linen pants to bring myself out of the "I only wear skinny jeans just like everyone else" place that I've been stuck in since high school. And I love them... A lot.
I've stopped wearing makeup every day because, as a YouTuber I enjoy watching said in a video, I'm learning what it means to "wear less makeup to feel more beautiful." Plus, it saves me a lot of time in my morning routine which is SO nice. 😴Those are a few examples of small changes I've implemented in my life that have somehow made me feel more like myself. I'm finally learning that lesson that we've all heard since we were kids. Y'know, that one about it being what's on the inside that counts.
Honestly, I find that the linen pants have been the most impactful small change I've made. I had a pretty lengthy conversation with a couple friends last week about having wanted linen pants for quite a time but being too concerned about what other people will think when they see me wearing them because they're not what I normally wear. But I've decided that as long as I like them (which I do) and I feel comfortable in them (they are so SO very comfy 😌), then that's all that needs to matter! Hashtag, learning to develop my own style.
Everyone will always have opinions on everythinggg. So you kinda just have to ignore that. As much as you can. I'm still working on it... I still walk away from conversations with people who are just getting to know me and thinking 'did they get an accurate representation of who I am? should I have said x instead of y? should I not have said z at all? what did they think when I said q or when I laughed at that one comment they made? was that actually rude?'
But that's a whole other topic. And I'm aware of it. The first step is acceptance right? I'm not in denial that this is something I have to work on. And I am.
We makin progress. We're all growing here. 🌱
Music Playlists + Final Thoughts.
Saturday, December 22, 2018
Back in April when I was preparing to graduate, I made a Spotify playlist of mostly sappy, sentimental songs about endings. Some were worship songs that had meant a lot to me throughout my fourth year like, Never Once by Matt Redman and My Story by Big Daddy Weave. Some are just cheesy like I'll Always Remember You by Hannah Montana, Don't You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds, Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift, and You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home by Hannah Montana.
The first time Never Once was played in chapel at Bible college - conveniently it was the last Tuesday chapel in my fourth year - I sobbed bc endings, and also because it's such a powerful song about how God never leaves us.
The music video for My Story was played at the graduation banquet and guess what? I sobbed again. All of us grads were standing around the perimeter of the room and here I was ugly crying in front of them, my professors, people's families, et al. One of my friends even left his spot against the wall to get a napkin from a table for me because of how much I was sobbing. It was rough. My Story talks about how Jesus is a crucial part of my/one's life's story, and that if I were to share my story, it would be more about God's grace and justice and mercy and kindness and love than it is anything about me.
The first time Never Once was played in chapel at Bible college - conveniently it was the last Tuesday chapel in my fourth year - I sobbed bc endings, and also because it's such a powerful song about how God never leaves us.
The music video for My Story was played at the graduation banquet and guess what? I sobbed again. All of us grads were standing around the perimeter of the room and here I was ugly crying in front of them, my professors, people's families, et al. One of my friends even left his spot against the wall to get a napkin from a table for me because of how much I was sobbing. It was rough. My Story talks about how Jesus is a crucial part of my/one's life's story, and that if I were to share my story, it would be more about God's grace and justice and mercy and kindness and love than it is anything about me.
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| all packed up. |
The first song that I'd ever added to this playlist eight months ago (which I titled "post grad pre mtl", by the way), was Seasons Change by United Pursuit because one of my friends told me that it had been a helpful song for him when he'd gone through some crazy life changes. It reminds us that while seasons change, God's love remains constant.
Last night I was walking home from a Christmas party with my City Group (or those of us who were still in the city by this point), and listening to this playlist. Considering part of its title is "pre mtl", it makes sense that I haven't actually listened to it since arriving in Montréal.
But tomorrow I leave. I'm going to wake up at 6am for the last time, catch the bus at 7:17, stop at Starbucks since I'll be early (as always on Sundays), set up and soundcheck for the last time in the theatre, experience my last Église 21 rassemblement de dimanche, go down to the food court and eat with people, say my goodbyes, and that'll be it.
I remember arriving here on September 9th... or September 10th really, since it was after midnight. And once I'd moved all my stuff in to this apartment later on that day, I was unpacking and wondering what in the world I was doing in Montréal.
But now it's 104 days later and I've been listening to this playlist, my heart feeling torn in different directions. Part of me is jamming to You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home and another part of me is screaming More Time by NEEDTOBREATHE. Another part still is singing I'll Be Home For Christmas and feeling happier than ever. 🎄
When listening to You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban, I was struck by the line, "You raise me up to more than I can be." I feel that. Without the grace and constant presence of God, I'd never have made it through the past 104 days.
And when I hear the words "And no matter where we go, we always find our way back home" from Andy Grammer's song Back Home, I'm no longer sure what the meaning of it is.
No matter where we go (Montréal), we always find our way back home (Ontario).
Or is it, no matter where we go (Ontario), we always find out way back home (Montréal)?
I guess we'll just have to see.
Until next time, Montréal. Tu as un morceau de mon coeur.
Christmas at Home + The End.
Tuesday, December 18, 2018
I'm leaving Montréal in five days, and I wanted to write something at least semi-profound about it, but I seem to be at a loss for words.
On December 1st, I was at home, participating in my home church's annual Christmas Festival. My flight being cancelled on the 3rd didn't really upset me that much, partly because the airline rescheduled my flight for free, and partly because my new flight was for the next day, so I was able to spend a little bit more time at home.
I was happy to be home, and almost too eager and excited to return home for Christmas.
When I first got back to Montréal after being at home, I told one of my friends here that I'm excited to go home for Christmas and then be at home after Christmas.
On December 1st, I was at home, participating in my home church's annual Christmas Festival. My flight being cancelled on the 3rd didn't really upset me that much, partly because the airline rescheduled my flight for free, and partly because my new flight was for the next day, so I was able to spend a little bit more time at home.
I was happy to be home, and almost too eager and excited to return home for Christmas.
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| source: Pro Church Media; unsplash.com |
"Because I'm happier at home than I am here," I said to him. That was so easy to say in the moment because I was still struggling with the sadness that came from having just been at home.
But the fact that I said that to my friend has been passing through my mind almost every day since I said it.
It especially passed through my mind as I teared up on the bus ride home from being with friends at 10:30 last night, thinking about this morning being my last Église 21 staff meeting.
I have a hard time with endings. I always have.
I've read some of the same books multiple times. I think that likely could be because I was unsatisfied that the story was over, and I didn't want it to be, so I would read it again and again.
I was the kid who cried and cried and cried when my mom left me in the church nursery. As an adult, I don't prefer crying and crying and crying in front of people, so I tend to smile a lot and make light of goodbyes, trying my best to make them quick and painless. My voice might shake, but I'll quickly crack a joke - to make myself laugh more than anyone else, really.
Since coming to Montréal in September, I've cried more on public transit than I'd like to admit. Multiple forms of public transit at that - busses, metros, airplanes. After I said goodbye to Lydia when she left Montréal, after I left the people from my church and Bible college when I went to NYC, when thinking about my last É21 staff meeting.
I wish to publicly revise the statement I made to my friend the other week. I should have said that I'm more comfortable at home, not necessarily happier.
I'd like to think that I'm relatively adaptable in terms of finding some way to be happy and joyful whether I'm at home, in college, in Montréal, etc. But my safe place - the place where I feel the most comfortable, the most "me" - would be at home. And I don't think there's anything intrinsically wrong with that, because my comfort at home doesn't stop me from branching out and adapting to a new place, experience, or opportunity.
And while I'm definitely happy to be going home on the 23rd, right in time to celebrate Christmas with my family, I think it will settle in once the hustle and bustle of Christmas is over that I'm back. I'm at home, and for the foreseeable future I won't be returning to Montréal.
I've gotten used to my daily routine in Montréal - waking up, taking the bus, taking the metro, walking to the office. It will be weird and somehow new all over again to be at home, having to transition back into a new daily routine. At least this one will involve coffee that isn't instant, and meals cooked by my mom.
And while endings signify the end - the finality - of something, they also present the opportunity for something new. A new year will be upon us soon, and so will a brand new adventure.
Be Here Now (Part Two) + Finishing Well.
Thursday, December 13, 2018
December always gets me thinking about the end of things. The end of a year, usually the end of a semester because I've always been in school (but not this year 🙌🏼), and now... the end of an internship.
I go home in ten days, and I'm eager and excited about it. Not because I don't like Montréal, but because with the hustle and bustle of Christmas coming up, and friends of mine from here are already going home for Christmas, I feel lonely... like, let's just cue In the Bleak Midwinter because that's kinda how I'm feelin.
But at the same time, I'm trying my best to find ways the be present. Not like a Christmas present though (baHAha, I'm hilarious).
In the final semester of my undergrad aka earlier on in 2018, I put up a blog post titled "Be Here Now" and while my life situation now is different than it was then, there are still some similarities, I suppose.
At the beginning of 2018 I wrote,
Let's revamp that post to be applicable for my current situation...
I'm spending so much time being eager to go home and being excited to celebrate Christmas that I'm not enjoying whee I am right now.
And where am I right now?
I'm in my very last ten days of a post-secondary internship. I'm in a new city, surrounded by good friends whom I met three months ago and have grown to love. I'm immersed in a non-Christian province, but surrounded by Église 21/Church 21 Christian community each and every day. I'm in an internship that is giving me lots of practical experience and preparing me for a life of ministry.
That's a pretty decent revamp-ing of the situation, wouldn't ya say? But I'm still figuring out what exactly it looks like to "finish well". That whole process was a lot more straightforward in Bible college because I had practical things required of me. I had to do my graduation recital, write final exams, and then I ended it all off by walking across the stage and receiving my Bachelor's degree.
I go home in ten days, and I'm eager and excited about it. Not because I don't like Montréal, but because with the hustle and bustle of Christmas coming up, and friends of mine from here are already going home for Christmas, I feel lonely... like, let's just cue In the Bleak Midwinter because that's kinda how I'm feelin.
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| source: Roman Kraft; unsplash.com |
In the final semester of my undergrad aka earlier on in 2018, I put up a blog post titled "Be Here Now" and while my life situation now is different than it was then, there are still some similarities, I suppose.
At the beginning of 2018 I wrote,
"There's something that I realized when I woke up this morning:
I'm spending so much time being emotional about graduating and being afraid of the the future that I'm not enjoying where I am right now.
And where am I right now?
I'm in my very last semester of post-secondary education. I'm surrounded by friends whom I love deeply. I'm immersed in a Christian community each and every day. I'm in an internship that is giving me lots of practical experience and preparing me for a life of ministry."
Let's revamp that post to be applicable for my current situation...
I'm spending so much time being eager to go home and being excited to celebrate Christmas that I'm not enjoying whee I am right now.
And where am I right now?
I'm in my very last ten days of a post-secondary internship. I'm in a new city, surrounded by good friends whom I met three months ago and have grown to love. I'm immersed in a non-Christian province, but surrounded by Église 21/Church 21 Christian community each and every day. I'm in an internship that is giving me lots of practical experience and preparing me for a life of ministry.
That's a pretty decent revamp-ing of the situation, wouldn't ya say? But I'm still figuring out what exactly it looks like to "finish well". That whole process was a lot more straightforward in Bible college because I had practical things required of me. I had to do my graduation recital, write final exams, and then I ended it all off by walking across the stage and receiving my Bachelor's degree.
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| Hugging my professor and mentor after being hooded at graduation. |
But this internship is a different situation, because even though there's an end, there's also not an end at the same time. Because once I leave, everything here in Montréal - at Église 21 - will continue. Although I suppose things are still continuing at my Bible college too. And people whom I wish to still be with, I won't be. And that was also the same at Bible college.
Okay, so maybe these two endings aren't quite as different as I initially thought they were.
Because all endings are endings. But at the same time, every ending is a new beginning.
I took to my Instagram story to ask people for advice on finishing well, and here are the results I got:
- List all you have done and been a part of, and ensure you haven't missed an opportunity.
- Write thank you/goodbye/appreciation cards or letters. Do everything with excellence.
- Stay involved in meetings, conversations, etc.
- Take time to process what's happening.
- Don't slack off at the end. Work harder!
- Take breaks, think about how much you've achieved; and use that as fuel to push through.
- Write letters to those who have helped/impacted you.
- Send thank you notes to the people that were specifically involved in that chapter of your life.
Three Months.
Sunday, December 9, 2018
Today I've been in Montréal for three months, and I have thirteen days left of my internship.
I wanted this post to be a three month Q+A, but no one asked me any questions. Well, besides my mom.
So because she's the only one who asked anything, and because she's my mom, this whole three month blog post is going to be centered around her question.
It was the day that I'd flown home to surprise everyone that I received this question from my mom via text. She doesn't have Facebook, but she's very proud of herself that she can view my internship Facebook page and keep up with my blog posts without having a Facebook account. She's the cutest. ❤️ Aaand also probably embarrassed that I'm exposing her on my blog right now, whoops.
And one that numerous people were excited to ask me about when I was at home for a few days last week.
To answer the first part of my mom's question, I'm not even sure what I'd planned to accomplish with this internship in the first place. And I mean that in the best possible way. In a 'I-have-no-expectations-so-literally-anything-can-happen' kinda way. With that said, I have accomplished things, and I gained experience with and learned about church planting - something I had no prior knowledge about, seeing as my home church is over a hundred years old, and it's the church I've attended my whole life.
Now for the ever-anticipated "If you could, would you want to stay longer in Montréal to continue, complete, and/or begin something?"
No.
Well... at least not for now. It's not a permanent no, partially because I don't want it to be, and partially because I have no idea what God has in store for my life.
November was filled with visits from friends and family, but also filled with lots of mental frustration and frantic journalling of prayers while I attempted to process and determine what the beginnings of 2019 are going to look like for me. It came down to a conclusion that it's hard to make the decision of whether or not to remain in Montréal while I'm still in Montréal.
And for that reason, Norton and Joey gave me their blessing to go home for an unspecified amount of time, serving God there, and praying and seeking after whether or not He'll guide me back to Montréal and Église 21.
If He doesn't, I'll continue to serve Him wherever He does choose to guide and direct me.
And don't worry! I'll definitely visit Montréal - hopefully multiple times a year - because part of my heart belongs here now, and will remain here after I return to Ontario. That's the struggle of growing up and then living in different places; my heart belongs at home, at my former Bible college, and, now, in Montréal. 💖
So Ontarians, you can all let out a collective cheer because I'll be returning to you in a short two weeks.
I do have some idea as to what 2019 has in store for me, but I'm not about to expose everything just yet. Let's just let this Montréal season play out and finish first. 😉😛
I wanted this post to be a three month Q+A, but no one asked me any questions. Well, besides my mom.
So because she's the only one who asked anything, and because she's my mom, this whole three month blog post is going to be centered around her question.
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| sunset view from my flight back to Montréal the other week |
I was in the middle of texting back and forth with my brother about when he was coming to pick me up from my friend's place, so I was stressed when I got a text notification from my mom, but it simply read:
"I have a question for your blog... Do you feel that by the end of December you will have accomplished what you wanted or, if you could, would you want to stay longer in Montréal to continue, complete and/or begin something?"A loaded question.
And one that numerous people were excited to ask me about when I was at home for a few days last week.
To answer the first part of my mom's question, I'm not even sure what I'd planned to accomplish with this internship in the first place. And I mean that in the best possible way. In a 'I-have-no-expectations-so-literally-anything-can-happen' kinda way. With that said, I have accomplished things, and I gained experience with and learned about church planting - something I had no prior knowledge about, seeing as my home church is over a hundred years old, and it's the church I've attended my whole life.
Now for the ever-anticipated "If you could, would you want to stay longer in Montréal to continue, complete, and/or begin something?"
No.
Well... at least not for now. It's not a permanent no, partially because I don't want it to be, and partially because I have no idea what God has in store for my life.
November was filled with visits from friends and family, but also filled with lots of mental frustration and frantic journalling of prayers while I attempted to process and determine what the beginnings of 2019 are going to look like for me. It came down to a conclusion that it's hard to make the decision of whether or not to remain in Montréal while I'm still in Montréal.
And for that reason, Norton and Joey gave me their blessing to go home for an unspecified amount of time, serving God there, and praying and seeking after whether or not He'll guide me back to Montréal and Église 21.
If He doesn't, I'll continue to serve Him wherever He does choose to guide and direct me.
And don't worry! I'll definitely visit Montréal - hopefully multiple times a year - because part of my heart belongs here now, and will remain here after I return to Ontario. That's the struggle of growing up and then living in different places; my heart belongs at home, at my former Bible college, and, now, in Montréal. 💖
So Ontarians, you can all let out a collective cheer because I'll be returning to you in a short two weeks.
I do have some idea as to what 2019 has in store for me, but I'm not about to expose everything just yet. Let's just let this Montréal season play out and finish first. 😉😛
Surprises, (Necessary?) Changes, + Cancelled Flights.
Tuesday, December 4, 2018
I'm starting this post sitting on my bed at home in Ontario. I'll finish and upload this post in Montréal. I'll finish and upload it at the airport while I'm waiting to go back to Montréal.
I was supposed to be back in Montréal last night already, but while I was having lunch (yesterday) with the friend who was going to drive me to the airport, I got a text message notification that my flight was cancelled. But y'know, sometimes it be like dat. So my flight got re-scheduled to today, so surprise! I'm still at home. For like, another ten minutes at this point haha.
It was nice though. After a whirlwind weekend wherein I didn't actually spend any significant period of time at home, it was relaxing to just stay in, share some laughs, eat pizza and popcorn, and play Skip-bo with my family last night.
As previously stated, it was quite the whirlwind of a weekend, my friends. I flew home from Montréal on Wednesday morning - only having let seven people in on this trip that I'd been planning since mid-October. I spent the day with the couple friends who'd picked me up from the airport, before being picked up by my brother when he was done school, to go home and surprise our parents.
It was a successful surprise. And because I've never done anything quite so cool and legit in my life, I filmed the experience. Sooo you can check it out right here if you haven't watched that video yet.
My church's 21st annual Christmas Festival took place this weekend, and although I logically and adult-ly recognized that I'm in a different phase of life so maaaybe possibly perhaps the wisest idea would have been to just save my moolah and stay in Montréal, I just Could. Not. Cope. with the idea of missing it. What can I say? I'm emotionally-driven oKAY? Aaand, seeing as the surprise was a success, it turns out that when necessary, I can be sneakier than I'd ever thought. 😏🤫
The weekend was so fun! My church's weekend-long Christmas Festival always starts my Christmas season off right.
But it was weird for me. Almost so weird that I don't even want to continue writing this post.
I thought that everything would be the same.
I thought that everyone would be the same.
I thought everything would be just as I left it on September 9th when I travelled to Montréal.
And I suppose some things were the same. My house (except for the new shower), my church (except for the Christmas decorations, but I suppose those go up every year so it's fine), my neighbourhood, the cold. I can't even say that my city is the same though, because some of the construction projects that were in the works when I left are done now, so some things look different.
However, I've come to recognize that it's hardly fair of me to expect everything and everyone to be the same, when I know that I am not the same. And time has passed - eighty-six days, to be precise - and I know that there's potential for anything to change in an instant, let alone eighty-six days.
But I guess I've always just thought that home was going to be the same forever. And by "home" I mean more than just the house-building that I live in. I mean: my friends, my family, my church, my former Bible college, my city. Everything always seemed to stay the same over the course of the past four years when I was away at school.
But I was still close.
I lived only twenty minutes away from home, not eight hours.
I lived in the same province, attended my home church every week, saw my parents at church, and had a weekly supper with my brother.
Yes, I made new friends while I was in college, but I still semi-regularly saw my old friends too.
And while things changed and people changed and I changed, I felt present for it, and the changes seemed to happen slowly. We only really noticed them when we'd look back and reflect.
I don't experience that now.
I find out things that people simply forgot to tell me because I'm far away. I wasn't involved in any planning/prep/conducting/solo-singing for the Christmas Festival because I was far away. However, part of that situation is my own fault because I wanted my presence to be a secret. But it's hard seeing things that have changed, and hearing "Oh sorry, I guess I didn't tell you that because you're not here anymore".
It's been a lot to process. Some of this has been processed right now, just as I've been typing this all out.
Sometimes all of these weird feelings and changes have made me wish that I'd just stayed in Montréal until December 23rd, when my internship ends. But I know I'd have regretted missing the Christmas Festival. And surprising my parents and friends was SO worth it! ❤️
And who knows. Maybe all of this has been necessary. A necessary realization that no longer being a student means nothing in life from graduation onwards will be consistent or predictable. A foretaste of how weird things will be when I come back to Ontario for real in just nineteen days - yes, this is me confirming that I'm coming home and not staying in Montréal... for the foreseeable future, that is.
A necessary realization of the inconsistency and uncertainty of everything.
Everything except for Jesus.
I was supposed to be back in Montréal last night already, but while I was having lunch (yesterday) with the friend who was going to drive me to the airport, I got a text message notification that my flight was cancelled. But y'know, sometimes it be like dat. So my flight got re-scheduled to today, so surprise! I'm still at home. For like, another ten minutes at this point haha.
It was nice though. After a whirlwind weekend wherein I didn't actually spend any significant period of time at home, it was relaxing to just stay in, share some laughs, eat pizza and popcorn, and play Skip-bo with my family last night.
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| the dress rehearsal view from this weekend. |
It was a successful surprise. And because I've never done anything quite so cool and legit in my life, I filmed the experience. Sooo you can check it out right here if you haven't watched that video yet.
My church's 21st annual Christmas Festival took place this weekend, and although I logically and adult-ly recognized that I'm in a different phase of life so maaaybe possibly perhaps the wisest idea would have been to just save my moolah and stay in Montréal, I just Could. Not. Cope. with the idea of missing it. What can I say? I'm emotionally-driven oKAY? Aaand, seeing as the surprise was a success, it turns out that when necessary, I can be sneakier than I'd ever thought. 😏🤫
The weekend was so fun! My church's weekend-long Christmas Festival always starts my Christmas season off right.
But it was weird for me. Almost so weird that I don't even want to continue writing this post.
I thought that everything would be the same.
I thought that everyone would be the same.
I thought everything would be just as I left it on September 9th when I travelled to Montréal.
And I suppose some things were the same. My house (except for the new shower), my church (except for the Christmas decorations, but I suppose those go up every year so it's fine), my neighbourhood, the cold. I can't even say that my city is the same though, because some of the construction projects that were in the works when I left are done now, so some things look different.
However, I've come to recognize that it's hardly fair of me to expect everything and everyone to be the same, when I know that I am not the same. And time has passed - eighty-six days, to be precise - and I know that there's potential for anything to change in an instant, let alone eighty-six days.
But I guess I've always just thought that home was going to be the same forever. And by "home" I mean more than just the house-building that I live in. I mean: my friends, my family, my church, my former Bible college, my city. Everything always seemed to stay the same over the course of the past four years when I was away at school.
But I was still close.
I lived only twenty minutes away from home, not eight hours.
I lived in the same province, attended my home church every week, saw my parents at church, and had a weekly supper with my brother.
Yes, I made new friends while I was in college, but I still semi-regularly saw my old friends too.
And while things changed and people changed and I changed, I felt present for it, and the changes seemed to happen slowly. We only really noticed them when we'd look back and reflect.
I don't experience that now.
I find out things that people simply forgot to tell me because I'm far away. I wasn't involved in any planning/prep/conducting/solo-singing for the Christmas Festival because I was far away. However, part of that situation is my own fault because I wanted my presence to be a secret. But it's hard seeing things that have changed, and hearing "Oh sorry, I guess I didn't tell you that because you're not here anymore".
It's been a lot to process. Some of this has been processed right now, just as I've been typing this all out.
Sometimes all of these weird feelings and changes have made me wish that I'd just stayed in Montréal until December 23rd, when my internship ends. But I know I'd have regretted missing the Christmas Festival. And surprising my parents and friends was SO worth it! ❤️
And who knows. Maybe all of this has been necessary. A necessary realization that no longer being a student means nothing in life from graduation onwards will be consistent or predictable. A foretaste of how weird things will be when I come back to Ontario for real in just nineteen days - yes, this is me confirming that I'm coming home and not staying in Montréal... for the foreseeable future, that is.
A necessary realization of the inconsistency and uncertainty of everything.
Everything except for Jesus.
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." (Hebrews 13:8)
Unfathomable Grace.
Monday, December 3, 2018
My friend Lydia and I have been studying through the book of Galatians over the past number of weeks. Last week we studied Galatians 5, and we were both struck by the grace of God.
Galatians 5 gets pretty heavy nearer to the end, in verse nineteen, as it talks about:
Because I struggle with some of the things in that list - enmity, fits of anger, envy, jealousy. To name a few.
So Lydia and I talked about it. Because that's what we do for our little Bible study together. We read a chapter every day for a week. Then we meet up and read through it again together, and then we break it down verse by verse, asking questions that we might have, talking through it, and sometimes handing some questions off to a professor from the Bible college I used to go to.
Because verse twenty-one says that "those who do such things will not inherit the Kingdom of God", does that mean that I won't inherit the Kingdom of God?
I ask myself that quite often.
The study note in my Bible says
That study note led Lydia and I into a tangent (from Galatians 5) yet important conversation about the extent of God's grace, the depth of his forgiveness, and the unconditional nature of his love for us.
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| Source: Emil Vilsek, unsplash.com |
"Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the Kingdom of God." (Galatians 5:19-21)There are other places in the Bible that talk about these types of sins and the fact that people who do those things won't enter the Kingdom of heaven. And that always confuses me.
Because I struggle with some of the things in that list - enmity, fits of anger, envy, jealousy. To name a few.
So Lydia and I talked about it. Because that's what we do for our little Bible study together. We read a chapter every day for a week. Then we meet up and read through it again together, and then we break it down verse by verse, asking questions that we might have, talking through it, and sometimes handing some questions off to a professor from the Bible college I used to go to.
Because verse twenty-one says that "those who do such things will not inherit the Kingdom of God", does that mean that I won't inherit the Kingdom of God?
I ask myself that quite often.
The study note in my Bible says
"The present participle "do" refers to those who "make a practice of doing" such things, as a pattern of life. Their outward conduct indicates their inward spiritual status: that they are not born of God, do not have the Holy Spirit within, and are not God's true children."While that's still pretty harsh language, it's true. And it answers my question, so that's helpful for me.
That study note led Lydia and I into a tangent (from Galatians 5) yet important conversation about the extent of God's grace, the depth of his forgiveness, and the unconditional nature of his love for us.
A Lone Mug of Decaf.
Tuesday, November 27, 2018
A couple weeks ago, one of my friends shared a picture on instagram, and part of her caption read "ministry sometimes looks like a lone mug of decaf."
And y'know what? I feel that.
But I don't actually drink decaf, don't worry. It just fits my recent mood.
Ministry isn't actually a lone mug of anything, really. But when you've had a couple more brutally honest, confrontational, given-me-too-many-things-too-process-at-one-time conversations than you'd like, featuring matters of the heart, you're left feeling like a lone mug of decaf.
Or maybe something a liiittle stronger than decaf. 🤪
I've been learning a lot. A lot about myself, which is why it's been hard for me to swallow it all. And we all know that when I start learnin things is when I head on over to the trusty ol' blog and share all of said learnings.
As a result of these heart matter conversations, I've ended up feeling exposed, uncomfortable, weird, and kind of like I just want to back myself into a hole and not talk to anyone about anything other than the weather, Christmas, coffee, and pretty much anything that doesn't have to do with my sensitive tender little heart and the matters that concern it!!!!!
But at the same time, I feel mature, honest, communicative, vulnerable (in a good way), and human. I feel broken, which we all are - and so is decaf coffee amiright??
I'm realizing that I have a lot to process. A lot of stuff about me.
I had breakfast this morning with my fellow intern who works on the English side - Lydia - and we talked about how we've both learned a lot about ourselves from our internships. She had a really great way of putting it.
And y'know what? I feel that.
But I don't actually drink decaf, don't worry. It just fits my recent mood.
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| Source: Annie Spratt; unsplash.com |
Or maybe something a liiittle stronger than decaf. 🤪
I've been learning a lot. A lot about myself, which is why it's been hard for me to swallow it all. And we all know that when I start learnin things is when I head on over to the trusty ol' blog and share all of said learnings.
As a result of these heart matter conversations, I've ended up feeling exposed, uncomfortable, weird, and kind of like I just want to back myself into a hole and not talk to anyone about anything other than the weather, Christmas, coffee, and pretty much anything that doesn't have to do with my sensitive tender little heart and the matters that concern it!!!!!
But at the same time, I feel mature, honest, communicative, vulnerable (in a good way), and human. I feel broken, which we all are - and so is decaf coffee amiright??
I'm realizing that I have a lot to process. A lot of stuff about me.
I had breakfast this morning with my fellow intern who works on the English side - Lydia - and we talked about how we've both learned a lot about ourselves from our internships. She had a really great way of putting it.
 |
| 🥰🥰🥰 |
She shared that when we're both at home, it was so easy for us to be caught up in our usual routine, and there are things about ourselves that we've just swept under the rug because that's what we normally do.
But being here in Montréal, in a new stage of life - one of increased independence - it's harder to ignore things about ourselves that really should be dealt with.
Like matters of the heart, brutally honest things, sins, confrontational stuff, and so on. Aka the things that have been addressed in the conversations I've been having the past few days.
Living on your own, without your parents, as a young adult means that you have to lean more towards the "adult" side of things instead of just the "young adult" side. That's why maturity and independence are two areas in which I've grown a ton since September. Although I'm not truly a lone mug of decaf, it is true that if I want something done right or dealt with, I have to do it right and deal what it myself. I'm treated like an adult. I have to treat myself like an adult.
I don't have someone guiding my every step and telling me that I have to deal with my crap. I have to choose to do so. Which isn't always easy. Especially when it ends up leaving me feeling like a tired ol' lonely mug of decaf.
But that's where grace comes in. That's where Jesus comes in. Because without Him, I'm nothing. There's grace for me. As my lovely friend Beth put it in her blog:
"If God is the same God to me that I preach on my blog, if God is the same God to me that I tell my friends about, or who I counsel about, then there is plenty of grace for me. There is plenty of room for my perceived failure."So even when ministry looks like a lonely mug of decaf, I'm okay. Everything's okay, because I'm not actually alone, and God is always good.
Twenty-Two Things That Matter.
Saturday, November 17, 2018
I recently came across a post on Instagram that was titled "Things That Matter" and it was at that very moment that I realized that would be my "2018 Birthday Blog Post" theme.
I'm twenty-two today, and while I know that I'm not old or extremely experienced by any means, I think it's unfair to say that I'm not at all experienced or I haven't gone through things up to this point in my life.
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| Source: Isaac Chua; unsplash.com |
I've learned a lot. I mean, I did go to school for seventeen years, after all! But even outside of the classroom, I've realized that there are things in life that don't matter, things that do matter, and things that don't matter at all but we stress ourselves out about them because we still believe that they really do matter.
Let me also preface this list by saying that some of the things on my list are likely going to be superficial, or things that maybe not everyone would think to be something that matters.
But it's something that matters to me. And this is my blog after all.
1. Jesus.
This list is in no particular order. After this point, that is. Man, I wouldn't be where I am or who I am today without Jesus. He has changed my life and is still changing my life every day.
2. Pizza.
People who know me well know that I really have a thing for pizza. It's just so versatile! Like, I feel like I could eat it all the time and not get tired because there are so many different toppings you can put on it, so many different ways to do it. Yummm. 🤤🍕
3. The first half of a mug of coffee in the morning.
Coffee is good all the time, but what really matters is coffee in the morning. Especially the first half of the mug because you're really in NEED of the caffeine at that point.
4. Deep friendships.
It's fun and great to have friendships that are just goofy and fun and light, but my favourite thing is the friendships that are deep and meaningful. The friends you know you can say absolutely anything to and they won't judge you or think differently of you. And if you can be goofy and fun with those friends in addition to the seriousness, that's even better.
5. Honesty.
It's so much easier in the long run if you choose to be honest with the people around you. That's not to say you tell everyone about what a horrible day you're having, but you don't want to hide that from the people who are closest to you and who may be affected by your bad attitude if you're having tough time.
6. Helping people.
I recently chatted with a friend who shared about helping a couple from the church move on his birthday. He talked about the fact that we often think our birthday is all about us and should serve us, but that it brought him greater joy in the long run to serve others on his birthday. This is a mindset that we should have every day - not just on our day of birth.
7. Having a good sleep schedule.
Maaan, I can't ever stress enough how important it is for me to get eight hours of sleep every night in order to be a functioning human being each day. I'm serious - if I sleep for less than seven and a half hours (I can't quite always get eight), I can tell a difference in my attitude, my attention span, my level of focus.
8. Getting out of your comfort zone.
I've written a whole blog post on this one before, and I have other posts from last year - the fourth year of my undergrad - where I wrote a lot about experiences that took me out of my comfort zone but ultimately were the most foundational in terms of shaping who I am, aka my internship and my graduation recital. This is applicable still today with my current internship in Montréal.
9. Music.
Music matters. Maybe you're thinking 'that's easy for someone who graduated with a BMus to say...' but I've often heard numerous people share that music calms them down in times of stress, depression, anxiety, and so on. It's also a great way to worship God - but not the only way *goes into rant about music being called "worship" 🙄*.
10. Going for walks.
I'm definitely not someone who's a gym junkie, or even overly enjoys working out at all. But I DO enjoy walking, and it's a good form of cardio. I love going on walks with people, and I've had some solid deep conversations while on walks with friends. There's something less intimidating about talking with someone while walking in nature, as opposed to sitting face to face with someone in a public cafe or restaurant surrounded by other random people.
11. Cafés.
Going off what I just said about public cafes and restaurants, I LOVE cafes, and I'd say they matter. And considering all the people who stand in line in front of me at Starbucks, I don't think I'm the only person who would say that. Cafes are great for meeting up with someone, getting work done, trying a new espresso, supporting local cafe owners, or just chilling out.
12. Taking care of yourself #selfcare.
Self care has started to have a self-centered connotation connected to it, and I'm not stoked about that. Because self care is such a necessary thing, and sometimes you need to prioritize yourself in order to effectively serve others. Self care can be as simple as taking fifteen minutes to do a face mask, journalling, getting your nails done, and learning how to take a Sabbath each week (I've also written a blog post on that).
13. Going out for breakfast.
I don't know man, there's just something about going out for breakfast. Maybe it's because it's less commonly done than going out for lunch or supper. Or maybe because it's the prime time to consume BREAKFAST SANDWICHES, which are my ultimate comfort food. They also matter.
14. Sunny days after a week and a half of rain.
This one seems oddly specific, because it just recently happened here in Montréal, and my heart got so excited when I woke up to sun one morning. ☀️
15. Gratitude.
I wrote a blog post about this about a year ago, talking about a quote that I read saying, "Everything's Amazing and Nobody's Happy". One of my friends reminded me the other day though, that gratitude is what shapes a theology of trust in the Lord. That's super true, and it's so easy to get caught up in the daily frustrations of life, but it's important to have an attitude of gratitude towards life and the things that God provides us with.
16. Getting off your phone.
This isn't a command. It's not something I excel at, anyway. But it's so important. A really cool quote I saw last week said, "Do more things that make you forget to check your phone." We're so attached to our phones at all times, and it really shouldn't be that way. I want my 2019 New Years Resolution to be for me to use my phone less. Which I suppose is something I could start right now; I don't need to wait for the new year. But I think being in my internship makes that hard because I need to be contactable for the people I work with.
17. Taking a flight by yourself.
I flew alone for the first time two months ago, and it was the best thing. A few days before I left, one of my friends told me that flying by herself is her favourite, and I thought she was CRAZY, but I realize that I agree with her. You experience such a sense of maturity, responsibility, and freedom from navigating an airport by yourself. I didn't even care that I was there at 5am; I was just living for and loving the whole thing.
18. Documenting things.
I love journalling and taking pictures. From the first day of my internship in Montréal on September 9th, I've made a bullet point journal entry of what I've done each day. Granted, I've gotten behind and had to go back and document a whole week, but nonetheless, it's gotten done. I also love to take pictures. I'm not even CLOSE to being a photographer, but even if I just take a selfie with the friends I was with at an event, or a picture of the cute aesthetic of the cafe I was in. Just something that brings my mind back to a certain day or time.
19. Coconut milk hot chocolate.
I've tried so hard to keep the food-related things that matter to a minimum, but we're BACK. Because approximately a year ago, I found out that I'm lactose intolerant. It was winter, and although I'm a coffee person through and through, I love love love hot chocolate in the winter. And hot chocolate with coconut milk is DIVINE. It doesn't taste like coconut at all; it just adds a deeper richness to the hot chocolate. 😍
20. Effective communication.
I was on Student Council in my second and third years of college, and during training week we had to listen to a number of seminars. Listening to them in my second year was fine, but I thought it would be so boring to listen to the same seminars AGAIN in my third year. But that was the year that the Effective Communication seminar really impacted me, and I've been such an advocate for it ever since then. It's so important to really know what people mean by what they said, and taking the time to clarify things if you're confused or they don't make sense to you.
21. Putting on comfy clothes after being at work all day.
It's nice to wear cute clothes and really be feelin your outfit, but there's nothing better than coming home at the end of the day and changing into leggings or sweatpants and an ol' faithful comfy sweater. Ughhhh. 😌👌🏼
22. Family.
I've talked about Jesus, flights, pizza, music, and more. But of course, family matters too. They're your first friends, your first supporters, the first ones to teach you lessons. And they'll also be your last friends - the ones who have no choice but to love you, be there for you, and teach you more lessons. Always remember where you came from and who loved you first.
So that's that. I'm twenty-two. Life's good. It's crazy, uncertain, and scary too. But God's always good, there are definitely more than twenty-two things that matter. And I'm excited to keep discovering more things that matter, and journeying through each and every day with and by the grace of God.
Let me also preface this list by saying that some of the things on my list are likely going to be superficial, or things that maybe not everyone would think to be something that matters.
But it's something that matters to me. And this is my blog after all.
1. Jesus.
This list is in no particular order. After this point, that is. Man, I wouldn't be where I am or who I am today without Jesus. He has changed my life and is still changing my life every day.
2. Pizza.
People who know me well know that I really have a thing for pizza. It's just so versatile! Like, I feel like I could eat it all the time and not get tired because there are so many different toppings you can put on it, so many different ways to do it. Yummm. 🤤🍕
3. The first half of a mug of coffee in the morning.
Coffee is good all the time, but what really matters is coffee in the morning. Especially the first half of the mug because you're really in NEED of the caffeine at that point.
4. Deep friendships.
It's fun and great to have friendships that are just goofy and fun and light, but my favourite thing is the friendships that are deep and meaningful. The friends you know you can say absolutely anything to and they won't judge you or think differently of you. And if you can be goofy and fun with those friends in addition to the seriousness, that's even better.
5. Honesty.
It's so much easier in the long run if you choose to be honest with the people around you. That's not to say you tell everyone about what a horrible day you're having, but you don't want to hide that from the people who are closest to you and who may be affected by your bad attitude if you're having tough time.
6. Helping people.
I recently chatted with a friend who shared about helping a couple from the church move on his birthday. He talked about the fact that we often think our birthday is all about us and should serve us, but that it brought him greater joy in the long run to serve others on his birthday. This is a mindset that we should have every day - not just on our day of birth.
7. Having a good sleep schedule.
Maaan, I can't ever stress enough how important it is for me to get eight hours of sleep every night in order to be a functioning human being each day. I'm serious - if I sleep for less than seven and a half hours (I can't quite always get eight), I can tell a difference in my attitude, my attention span, my level of focus.
8. Getting out of your comfort zone.
I've written a whole blog post on this one before, and I have other posts from last year - the fourth year of my undergrad - where I wrote a lot about experiences that took me out of my comfort zone but ultimately were the most foundational in terms of shaping who I am, aka my internship and my graduation recital. This is applicable still today with my current internship in Montréal.
9. Music.
Music matters. Maybe you're thinking 'that's easy for someone who graduated with a BMus to say...' but I've often heard numerous people share that music calms them down in times of stress, depression, anxiety, and so on. It's also a great way to worship God - but not the only way *goes into rant about music being called "worship" 🙄*.
10. Going for walks.
I'm definitely not someone who's a gym junkie, or even overly enjoys working out at all. But I DO enjoy walking, and it's a good form of cardio. I love going on walks with people, and I've had some solid deep conversations while on walks with friends. There's something less intimidating about talking with someone while walking in nature, as opposed to sitting face to face with someone in a public cafe or restaurant surrounded by other random people.
11. Cafés.
Going off what I just said about public cafes and restaurants, I LOVE cafes, and I'd say they matter. And considering all the people who stand in line in front of me at Starbucks, I don't think I'm the only person who would say that. Cafes are great for meeting up with someone, getting work done, trying a new espresso, supporting local cafe owners, or just chilling out.
12. Taking care of yourself #selfcare.
Self care has started to have a self-centered connotation connected to it, and I'm not stoked about that. Because self care is such a necessary thing, and sometimes you need to prioritize yourself in order to effectively serve others. Self care can be as simple as taking fifteen minutes to do a face mask, journalling, getting your nails done, and learning how to take a Sabbath each week (I've also written a blog post on that).
13. Going out for breakfast.
I don't know man, there's just something about going out for breakfast. Maybe it's because it's less commonly done than going out for lunch or supper. Or maybe because it's the prime time to consume BREAKFAST SANDWICHES, which are my ultimate comfort food. They also matter.
14. Sunny days after a week and a half of rain.
This one seems oddly specific, because it just recently happened here in Montréal, and my heart got so excited when I woke up to sun one morning. ☀️
15. Gratitude.
I wrote a blog post about this about a year ago, talking about a quote that I read saying, "Everything's Amazing and Nobody's Happy". One of my friends reminded me the other day though, that gratitude is what shapes a theology of trust in the Lord. That's super true, and it's so easy to get caught up in the daily frustrations of life, but it's important to have an attitude of gratitude towards life and the things that God provides us with.
16. Getting off your phone.
This isn't a command. It's not something I excel at, anyway. But it's so important. A really cool quote I saw last week said, "Do more things that make you forget to check your phone." We're so attached to our phones at all times, and it really shouldn't be that way. I want my 2019 New Years Resolution to be for me to use my phone less. Which I suppose is something I could start right now; I don't need to wait for the new year. But I think being in my internship makes that hard because I need to be contactable for the people I work with.
17. Taking a flight by yourself.
I flew alone for the first time two months ago, and it was the best thing. A few days before I left, one of my friends told me that flying by herself is her favourite, and I thought she was CRAZY, but I realize that I agree with her. You experience such a sense of maturity, responsibility, and freedom from navigating an airport by yourself. I didn't even care that I was there at 5am; I was just living for and loving the whole thing.
18. Documenting things.
I love journalling and taking pictures. From the first day of my internship in Montréal on September 9th, I've made a bullet point journal entry of what I've done each day. Granted, I've gotten behind and had to go back and document a whole week, but nonetheless, it's gotten done. I also love to take pictures. I'm not even CLOSE to being a photographer, but even if I just take a selfie with the friends I was with at an event, or a picture of the cute aesthetic of the cafe I was in. Just something that brings my mind back to a certain day or time.
19. Coconut milk hot chocolate.
I've tried so hard to keep the food-related things that matter to a minimum, but we're BACK. Because approximately a year ago, I found out that I'm lactose intolerant. It was winter, and although I'm a coffee person through and through, I love love love hot chocolate in the winter. And hot chocolate with coconut milk is DIVINE. It doesn't taste like coconut at all; it just adds a deeper richness to the hot chocolate. 😍
20. Effective communication.
I was on Student Council in my second and third years of college, and during training week we had to listen to a number of seminars. Listening to them in my second year was fine, but I thought it would be so boring to listen to the same seminars AGAIN in my third year. But that was the year that the Effective Communication seminar really impacted me, and I've been such an advocate for it ever since then. It's so important to really know what people mean by what they said, and taking the time to clarify things if you're confused or they don't make sense to you.
21. Putting on comfy clothes after being at work all day.
It's nice to wear cute clothes and really be feelin your outfit, but there's nothing better than coming home at the end of the day and changing into leggings or sweatpants and an ol' faithful comfy sweater. Ughhhh. 😌👌🏼
22. Family.
I've talked about Jesus, flights, pizza, music, and more. But of course, family matters too. They're your first friends, your first supporters, the first ones to teach you lessons. And they'll also be your last friends - the ones who have no choice but to love you, be there for you, and teach you more lessons. Always remember where you came from and who loved you first.
So that's that. I'm twenty-two. Life's good. It's crazy, uncertain, and scary too. But God's always good, there are definitely more than twenty-two things that matter. And I'm excited to keep discovering more things that matter, and journeying through each and every day with and by the grace of God.
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