"I'm not very 'go-with-the-flow." I said to another friend.
There's two problems with those sentences.
First off, it shows that I struggle with trusting God. And secondly, y'all. I have no idea what 2018 has in store after April 28th, so there's no way I can plan for what's coming next.
There's something that I realized when I woke up this morning:
I'm spending so much time being emotional about graduating and being afraid of the future that I'm not enjoying where I am right now.
And where am I right now?
I'm in my very last semester of post-secondary education. I'm surrounded by friends whom I love deeply. I'm immersed in a Christian community each and every day. I'm in an internship that is giving me lots of practical experience and preparing me for a life of ministry.
I was scrolling through Pinterest yesterday. Side note: it actually wasn't procrastination! I don't have as much homework this semester. That's right - be jealous folks. Anyway, Pinterest. I came across a pin that simply said
"Be here now."It struck me in a more profound way than I thought it would. I am definitely guilty of being so focused on what's going to come next that I miss out on precious moments and potentially life-changing experiences and conversations with friends that are happening now.
I'm so focused on "What's life going to look like once this chapter closes? Where am I going to get a job? Where am I going to live? How am I going to function with all of my friends leaving, and me leaving them?" While those are valuable questions, and things that I should be keeping in mind, I can't allow myself to be so future-focused that I miss out on the last few pages of this chapter before it ends.
Also if you think that there's going to be a post this year wherein I don't talk about my journey of learning how to trust the Lord, you're WRONG.
I've been recognizing that because 2018 looks so foggy and I'm so unsure about what I'm going to be doing, it provides numerous opportunities for me to trust God - more than I ever have before. And as much as I love to plan and be in control, there's a part of me that's actually feeling excited about the uncertainty of 2018 because I know that in the Lord is where I find peace and comfort, and I can only truly find that by trusting in Him.
Therefore, I need to work on trusting God with everything in order to find that peace and comfort that I desire so deeply in this chapter of my life.
That, my friends, is why my posts this year will likely be focused largely around the theme of trust. And also grace. I'm often too hard on myself and think that trusting God means that I need to be perfect with that. And I've learned that I never will be perfect at trusting God because if I was, would I really feel the need to continue trusting Him, or at least placing a large amount of emphasis on it? Likely not.
I'm grateful that I can trust God in every chapter of my life, and that He's still with me and has grace for me when I fail or forget to trust Him.
PS. Graduating is sad and scary, so excuse me while I cry about it at least once a week... at least.
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