By now, most of us are familiar with the idea and practice of self-care. We love to tag our besties in memes about chocolate, bubble baths, and taking naps. Books on boundaries, toxic environments, separating ourselves from difficult circumstances in order to find peace, healing, or whatever else we’re searching for have given us mantras to tweet and put in our bios till we develop carpal tunnel (my latest health obsession—one in FOUR teens are developing carpal from smart phone usage. Isn’t that insane? Okay, okay, back to the blog). It’s not surprising that a culture so bent on busy and personal accomplishments balances boundaries and “saying no” so poorly.
I have a confession: I’m a googler. A Wikipedia master, you could say. It probably causes more issues in my marriage than anything else (I can’t help myself—I need to know the ending of every scary show and movie Griffin puts me through). If there’s something I don’t know, I want the answer. So, before I started writing this post I searched “Best Tips for Self-Care” like the good little researcher I am. Some of them were really good—some of them made me cringe. I’ve realized that the tension between taking time for yourself and taking the time for others (we need both, but are often only good at one) is a difficult thing to balance at best. You have those of us who are so ragged, broken, worn, and empty that there’s nothing left to give (I’ve been there)—and for a time, shutting everything out is exactly what we need. And then you have others who have been in overdrive for so long that they deny themselves the grace to be. Who always feel the pressure to put on a show—who feel that saying, “I can’t do that” would mean they aren’t as sold out for their ministry as they had claimed years ago. That they will fail if they stop. Staying in either of those places is a danger. Staying is not caring—for anyone.
If you clicked on this and expected to find a bunch of hot tips for self-care or a breakdown of the best bath bombs and facemasks I feel like I have to apologize, because you’re not going to find it (at least, in this space. I love facemasks and baths bombs and will talk about them all day if you let me). I didn’t coin this, but I’ve come to realize that the essence of self-care is to pour in so that you can pour out. It’s a give and take. There’s a dance between being protective of your time and being stingy with it. It’s also not about judgement, either.
Think about your perfect day. For me, my perfect day would be spending it at home, cleaning and organizing and cooking, then inviting my best girlfrans over for food (a lot of food. And there would be a lot of dancing and jazz involved), and then everyone leaving by 9pm so I could watch a show and do a mask, and then I’d be in bed by 10. That, to me, sounds glorious. Maybe for you it’s sitting in your pjs and not even leaving bed once except to grab food and maybe use the facilities (this is Griffin’s idea of a perfect day). The point is, both of us are intuitive to knowing what we need. And it changes sometimes. Instead of falling into a routine that may set you back or leave you feeling emptier just because that’s what people told you to do in order to rest, ask yourself regularly “What do I need right now?” and be honest with yourself about what that is. Is your need spiritual? Mental? Physical? Sometimes your need could be reaching out to someone else and filling their need. Rest and self-care is supposed to be a rhythm. A pattern. I was reading in Jeremiah today and it talked about how God knows our hearts. If God takes the time to feel and connect with where you are—good places and bad places, shouldn’t you take the time to connect with your own heart? Our busy schedules, demands, and responsibilities often suck the intuition right out of us in order to do, do, do. Hear the voice of the Holy Spirit—it is your comforter. Your mighty counselor.
I’m still learning this as I feel the tug of culture to do more, be more, and accomplish more. But every time I lay my pride down, tug away at the false identity that I put on, I listen and hear God’s voice more clearly. My prayer for each of you reading this today is that you would develop an intuition for what you need. Not what you want, not what feels good, but what you need in this moment to be who God has called you to be. To embrace the place that he has you today.
Xoxo
Beth
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